Second Game Session. March 1998
Father, Wonders,
Rein.
I've managed to upset father. I'd no intention of doing so. I was having such a great time. I'd spent all day with Auric, and then when we got back to the Chateau Uncle Caine was there. (I've decided to think of them as Uncles and Aunts instead of Princes and Princesses, it's less intimidating). They were in father's study, a rather dark room full of dead animal trophies. Uncle Caine, what a charmer, kissed my hand and called me 'glowing Jenna.' He couldn't stay for dinner, so it was just father, Auric, and myself. The discussion wasn't always so appropriate for dinner, but still, I accomplished getting both of them to agree that I was self-governing. What a relief father didn't expect me to fit into some submissive medieval female role. Now I just have to take care of myself. Auric said his goodbyes after dinner, and father and I retired into the conservatory. The conservatory may very well be my favorite room in the Chateau. The many windows looked out over the twilight forest, and I went over to investigate the beautiful piano with it's ivory and green keys. I know it sounds tacky, but it fit the decor perfectly, along with the tapestry of a white stag in a forest along the back wall.
"Let me ask a question." I said.
"Go ahead"
"When you brought us here, how was that done? Was that a Pattern thing?" I asked. He laughed. It was the first time I'd heard him laugh since we'd been in Amber.
"What?" I laughed back.
"That's cute. 'Pattern thing.'" he explained.
"Well?"
"Yes, I moved us from shadow to shadow using the Pattern, manipulating until we arrived here."
"Shadows? You mean worlds?"
"Worlds, dimensions, 'realities'... Everyone has a name for it, but it's not reality."
"You're saying it's not real." I said, a bit stunned.
"There is only one real place; One other place somewhat less real."
"I can't... how can it not be real?" I stammered, truly troubled.
He stood and pulled out his trump cards while I waited in confusion. He picked one of the cards Auric had given him at dinner. "Give me your hand and I will show you." I did, and he took me to a place with very tall buildings, all with windows and lights. It was near dawn there. I ran my hand over a brick wall. It felt as I expected, grainy texture, cool.
"Feels real to me." I announced.
"Look around the corner."
"Okay." I looked. Some trash cans and cats... a dead end. He stepped in front of me, just almost grinned and stepped back.
"Look again." I looked. It was a street! I jerked my head back around to look at him.
"So it's not reality because you can change it."
"It's malleable, so it's not real. It can not be real, but you can die in shadow." He explained, and that last of it pretty much set my way of thinking. If you can die, you might as well get it in your head it's real enough. Being able to use pattern to change an arrow coming at you is the same as dodging it - quick thinking. I told him as much. He expounded some theories about Pattern, shadow, and reality for me, and after we'd walked awhile he trumped us back to sweet Morganstern. I gave him a kiss on his snout, and asked father what he did to make Auric afraid of the good horse.
"Nothing. Morganstern might have done something, but I didn't."
"He said something about giving him a n apple and fearing his hand would be bitten off."
"You can imagine how Morganstern may have appeared to a small child."
"I suppose... " We took Morganstern into the stables and father commenced brushing him down. I fed him sugar, and he kissed me. Wonder if I can get father to breed him... but the poor mare!
"What about that storm?" I asked. "What was that?"
"That storm! If I knew what that storm was I'd be explaining it to a number of people."
"Oh." I fidgeted, working up my nerve as he brushed. Finally, "Here's the hard question." I said. He glanced up at me and continued brushing. I fidgeted some more. "What happened to Auric's mother?"
He turned away from me before he could explain her illness and death to me, and a few of the circumstances at the time.
"But why didn't you tell Auric?"
"He was so young."
"He doesn't know, and it bothers him." I informed him.
"It was a different time. There were things... you can't understand." He was upset. I'd done it, again. But this was an important thing. I couldn't just let it go, for a number of reasons.
"Will you tell him now?"
"You can tell him if you feel it matters now." He said, put up the brush and began walking into the Chateau. I followed him (which isn't necessarily an easy thing with his long legs) and said, "You told me to ask you..."
"And now I pay for that." he cut in, but so deadpan. He was really upset, and that he wasn't showing it frightened me. I knew I needed to leave him to himself, but I... well, I was so damn ambivalent.
I wanted to comfort him, yell at him, cry. What I said was, "I guess I do need to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
"Yes." he said, never turning around. I went up to my room. I decided to put off telling Auric anything for the time being. I needed more time to ponder. Beside, I really wanted to go out and have a good time and forget an informative conversation gone bad. How did I always manage that lately?
I used Auric's trump card. It was different from how I connected with Uncle Benedict. I wonder if it'll be different every time. He was painting, so he cleaned up and 'trumped' me back. In the mean time I did my makeup, rested, and tried not to think.
When he pulled me to him about an hour and a half later, he was clean shaven, dressed to the nines, and looking even more handsome than he had when I rode in. He showed me about his penthouse. I'd call it a loft. It was the whole floor of the extremely tall building he lived in, windows all around, only the bathing room enclosed, although he did have another bathing tub (the likes of which I've never seen) out in the open, close to his sleeping area. I wonder if he realizes he lives in a glorified treehouse. So high above the rest of the world, and the sunset was glorious. I may try to duplicate it in my flowers.
Auric trumped Lord Fitzgin to check on the progress of the evening's entertainment. It was in the works, and Auric and Fitzgin decided we'd be trumped when it was all set. Aros stopped by (and I guess he's and Uncle too, although no one seems to know what to do with him) and got into some technical trump discussion with Auric, so I slept.
When I woke Aros was gone (thankness, for he is boring!). We did some more shopping. It was morning, and Auric told me what the time differential was. That explained a lot. We toured the town, ate great food, and spent tons more money. Sometime in the afternoon we got back to the penthouse. I changed into the dress I'd bought, made of some silky fabric (who knows what!), all royal blue with long sleeves. It was tight, ankle length, with a long slit up to my lower thigh. Matching shoes, naturally. It helped me look a few years older, even without themakeup.
I then sat around and rested, watching Auric make trumps. A beautiful process. Even if they weren't so useful in the practical sense, I'd still think they were wonderfully expressive. I modeled a little for him.
And finally (probably only an hour or so back in Amber) Lord Fitzgin trumped Auric and we went to the party. Lord Fitzgin walked us through his 'humble' manor, including his hedge labyrinth behind the house, charming grounds with roaming peacocks and swimming ponds. I personally thought the gazebo would be a perfect place for love's first kiss. I tend to think Lord Fitzgin has the whole place set up to ease seduction, but I didn't mention that.
The two story manor was fairly full of people, including a young lady - Joss Sloan, who told me she is Eric's daughter. I was shocked, and I guess I didn't hide it very well. I told her, "this must be a lot harder on you than me." and I meant that. She said he used to visit her when he could. Same thing as me, except my father came home, and King Eric died. I feel sorry for her. Who is looking out for her? She said Uncle Caine brought her to Amber, but here she is out partying (and she's only 15 or 16) with only Lord Fitzgin to watch out for her. I have Auric keeping a very good eye on me. It hasn't even become annoying yet. But Joss, she's cool - and I mean that in all the ways - and alone, I get the feeling. I know that feeling, it's horrid. Then I consider the things father and Auric have been warning me about... she must be terrified. I should invite her out. Maybe Auric could take her shopping. Maybe we should have our 'coming out' party together. She needs some 'royal' clothes, because she was still in black, men's clothes last night. I wonder if how I dressed up bothered her.
The party was great though. She sure seemed to have a good time. Good wine, good conversation, and good dancers. Not like secondary school at all. I danced with Lord Fitzgin, and only one other gentleman had more grace all evening. But I'll get to him later.
The conversation was very enlightening. No one wanted to tell me anything bad about the royal family, but they struggled. I put Lord Fitzgin on the spot. "Tell me what you think about the royal family."
"That's asking a lot."
"Well, start with the oldest. Prince Benedict."
[The GM has been assured that the Player "intends to put the convo in full, which I do not have transcribed at all yet do to Ambercon responsibilities"]
I drank my way through Lord Fitzgin's and Auric's impressions of every member of the court, and I was soon ready to dance some more.
Auric paired me up with Lord Phillip (?) of the noble house of, well, damn, I can't remember. He was nice, interesting, close to my age. Yet not nearly as interesting as Lord Rein. I'd been at Auric to get me a dance with the famous bard all night, and finally Rein's constant crowd of admirers broke up enough for Auric to introduce us.
[The GM has again been assured by the Player "here is where I someday intend to put the convo with Rein, and all the fun emotions there involved, in full, which I have not yet worked on, see earlier note."]
I danced with Lord Rein for hours. Hours pass like minutes with Rein. Too bad he's out of my league. I mean, I've always preferred to 'date' older men, but he's 600! I must admit to a crush though. A big crush. I won't annoy him though. He probably thinks I'm a little girl. Given, compared to him I am, but girls do mature more quickly, and he seems young at heart.
Ah, the if onlys... I can't be in denial about being young, and maybe even innocent, and on occasion I might do something a little naive, like sneaking back in by climbing up the trellis. Of course, had I known father was out I would have simply used the door. He hadn't been in all night. It's worse than I thought. I do hide from him when he's upset. And why should I? I must stop that. I mean, despite the obvious discomfort it gave him, he did tell me the truth about Auric's mother.
Yet when I asked him to tell Auric about it he refused, flatly refused. How could I tell Auric? He will have questions I can't answer.
Mother is already upset with me for even bringing it up, if I bring it all back to Auric it will surely last awhile longer. I don't know that if he confronts father about it father will even speak to him. How can I rebuild the wall between them that I just managed to breech? I already feel guilty. But I didn't bring it up to make him relive something traumatic. Why the secrets? Why didn't he explain this all to Auric? It won't change anything in Auric's reality - or would it? Damn. I would want to know if it were my mother.
That settles it, I've got to tell him. I'll send over a note this morning. I hope I'm not ruining his life. I held off at the party last night, afraid of just that. He's a long grown man though. He should be able to handle this and put it to rest.
Speaking of being a grown up, I consider that party last night my last great fling of childhood. Now everything gets serious - this coming out party where I'll have to meet all the people I've been warned about and act normal. Then they will all know about me, and I won't be able to trust anyone, and I will have to be careful of what I do and say. All play will be over, and I'll have to be the wonderful young lady mother has raised me to be.
Here I am complaining about what I've waited all these years to do! I'm in Amber! Father will come home (soon I hope) and perhaps we can settle this. I will try at least, and if he ignores me perhaps I'll raise my voice and see if that gets his attention. I don't think I've yelled around him since I was nine. I'm babbling and obsessing. I'll jot down that note to Auric, then pull up some vines and commune with nature.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Auric,
I woke up this
morning, after the wonderful party (thank you) and father was gone. He's been
out all night, and I'm pretty sure it's because of me.
Last night,
after you left, he took me into shadow to explain dangers and such. When we
came back he wondered if I had any questions. I only had a few about the
staggering tour and explanation I'd gotten, and then I asked him about your
mother.
All night at
Lord Fitzgin's party I listened to you and watched you. I couldn't figure out
if I should tell you or not, because the explanation I'd gotten was rather
vague. It'll give you more questions than answers.
I'd hate to see
you hurt Auric, and I'd hate to see you and father pushed apart again. Yet this
is your life, and if you have a real reason to quarrel with him you have the
right. Just let me forewarn you, he does not want to discuss it. His reaction
really surprised me. And he still hasn't come home. My mother is ticked off at
me about it too. Doesn't like me dredging up the past - upsetting father.
The short of
what he told me was she got ill, and he waited too long. He should have moved
sooner - I got the feeling 'family' held him up. He was so very vague. I can
tell you this - I'm sure he blames himself and it affected him very deeply. He
said he didn't talk to you about it because you were so young.
So there it is.
Do with it what you will. When I asked him to talk to you about it he refused.
So I thought I'd put it in your hands, since it seemed to bother you. I don't
care if father gets angry at me over this one. As far as I'm concerned he
should have settled all this before you grew up.
By the way, on a
happier subject, thank you for introducing me to Lord Rein. He had me entranced
all eve. All the serious information you and Fitzgin imparted left me with a
need for some comic relief. I've got to admit I've got a crush on the man, but
I know that's all it will ever be.
Also, I was
thinking, we should take Sloan shopping. She wasn't even in a dress at
Fitzgin's and what she had on looked, well, almost too comfortable. Clearly
she's a bit of a tomboy, but really, what's she going to wear to her coming
out? Jeans? What do you think?
Come over if you want to talk,
Jenna
To Jenna's Personal Information
To Jenna's Diaries: Before the Beginning
To Jenna's Diaries: Beginnings